Feelin’ Alright… Unless You’re A Gopher

Jul 18, 2011 by Sara

My husband is mildly obsessed.

With Gophers.

 

Every night when he comes home from work, before he says hello to the children or to me, he walks down to the bottom of the garden and checks his traps.

Yes trapsssss, plural.

 

He’s been chasing what he claims is the same gopher for the past 2 years.

This particular gopher has bested him with every earnest attempt he has made, which is saying a lot. He usually has had a good track record when it comes to catching gophers. I should know… for kicks he has proudly displayed his gopher trophies for me to see. (I’m so lucky and proud.)

But this guy gopher, he’s wiley…

To be fair, the gopher can probably sense that none of my husband’s traps are “humane”. Like Bill Murray’s gopher war, this battle is to the death.  His gnarly traps are metal jaws that when triggered, snap and cause the little bugger to die, somewhat painlessly (I hope).   But then again, I really don’t want to know.

Gophers are a pain in the ass and like deer, serve zero purpose.

And they’re super ugly.

Basically gophers are a cross between a rat and beaver with nasty plaque (see above).

In our hillside community, they can reek total havoc on your property with their underground mazes and tunnels.  Too many of them and it can trigger landslides when the rains come in winter.

They are such a problem that we even have a “secret” gopher exterminator that makes decent pocket change catching them, they go for $25 a pop. This secret gopher guy (not Alex) will come out and set traps and then circle back once a week. He’s secret because I don’t think he has a license for this but everyone knows how to find him. (Hint: At the local hardware store just ask how to get rid of gophers.)

Usually, gophers are pretty dense and Alex has prided himself on being able to catch these varmints within 24 hours of setting a trap. So we’ve never had to enlist the “gopher guy’s” services.

But this gopher seems to have evolved and can avoid traps with the most amazing sense of foresight. Apparently he even took one of the traps down one of his tunnels which really pissed the hunter off.

Every day this saga is sounding more and more like Bill Murray in Caddyshack and I’m not kidding when I say this gopher had better watch out because we are getting pretty close to dynamite entering the equation…

I’m trying to be supportive.

This is important to him.

This is manly stuff here and he’s protecting our domain from varmints.  (I love that word don’t you? Varmint…)

So please wish Alex luck in his quest to vanquish this gopher from our yard… And when he does can anyone recommend a good taxidermist? I’m pretty sure this little bugger is going to be stuffed and mounted.

 

 

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Frrrrrresca

Jun 20, 2011 by Sara

 

Jack today started talking about Fresca. Not Fresca, but Frrrrrrrresca.

No idea where he heard this.

Mommy only has Fresca at parties with vodka. Yummmy.

Here’s a little clip of him and him rolling his ‘rrrrrr’s

jack_fresca

 

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It’s Open Season On My Prom Pic

May 25, 2011 by Sara

OK I love good self-deprecation. I do.

So when I saw all my favorite bloggers participating in A Belle, A Bean & A Chicago Dog’s Senior Hottie linkup, I said, sure… I can poke fun at myself.

Hopefully my husband won’t mind.

See, he was my senior year prom date, and my junior year date too.

Yup, I’ve known him a loooooong time.  Good news is, I  still think he’s pretty darn cute (maybe cuter?).

Anyway, here it is… our senior prom picture…  and yes, we were king and queen BUT we didn’t call it that, it was called something else but I can’t remember what AND this was NO big deal.

 

DO YOU LOOOVE THE DYED TO MATCH RED SHOES?!?  OMG! They go so nicely with carpet don’t they? And the fake tree in the background just gives this such a natural setting don’t ya think?

I remember buying this dress at a mall on a trip to Florida. I remember it was pretty much just lycra and I think it cost like $40.00. I was so excited to be wearing red, because it was something I would NEVER wear. And it was tight – something I would NEVER wear.   Don’t know why, but I was just really conservative (notice the pearls I’m wearing, sheesh).

As there were only 84 kids in my graduating class it was not like a prom campaign you see them do in the movies, it was just a last minute vote the day before the dance. It didn’t mean a thing, except I think we got up to dance alone for like five minutes which was über embarrassing to say the least.

The rest of my prom memories involve a terrible club in NYC and then peppermint schnapps. From there it all went downhill.

Ahhh stupid high school kids.

xo

S.

 

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The Birds and The Bees

May 13, 2011 by Sara

I know it’s unusual for me to post three times in one day but when you get something as great as this in your inbox you have to share.

Here’s Julia Sweeney, of SNL fame, performing a monologue on how ‘the Birds and the Bees’ conversation went with her eight year-old daughter, Mulan.

As I was watching this I realized I’m within 2 years of having this conversation with my OWN daughter. (To my hubby: If you fell of your chair while reading this, don’t worry, we’ll get through it!).

Enjoy! and don’t get forget to enter the Fabkins giveaway!

Special thanks to MDW for sending this to me and to Big Geek Dad for originally posting it!

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Craigslist Ad: free iPad, iPhone and Macbook

Feb 24, 2011 by Sara

SF bay area craigslist > for sale / wanted > free stuff

free iPad, iPhone and MacBook (san francisco / new york / miami)

Date: 2011-02-24, 3:26PM PST

Reply to: [email protected]

 

FREE – one iPhone, one iPad, one Macbook laptop and anything else with an internet connection that I can find in my house.

 

Available to the first responder that is unmarried and without children as I wouldn’t wish this on anyone else.

 

My wife and I are not on speaking terms any more. She has finally gone too far and therefore I am giving away what I think will tick her off the most. Her electronics.

 

She is a self-described nerd with an addictive personality.  In the early nineties, I watched her turn into a zombie when the Sims game launched. For hours she played in these reality worlds building fake cities and families. At first I thought it was hot, I mean a tall blonde chick that likes Tron and can speak geek?  But when she dissed me one night in order to install a fake power plant for her cyber city, I knew we had a problem.  I finally said something and steered her back to planning our wedding and her real job. She begrudgingly put the game aside.

 

Two years later, when faced with fertility problems, she again turned online and found a forum of women experiencing similar issues.  She checked in daily with these women, and told them when we “baby danced” and when her “cervical mucous” was primed.  I ignored the growing addiction that was brewing because I considered it cheap therapy that didn’t take away from my golf membership fund. Plus it was anonymous, at least I thought it was, now 5 years later apparently we exchange Christmas cards with these ‘fertility friends.’

 

With the birth of our daughter, my wife then discovered facebook and plastered photo after photo of our princess for the world to see.  Since nobody stopped her or said anything, she continued after our son was born. The fertility friends joined too and they continued their online therapy sessions.  I’ll admit I was kind of ok with this too because hey, our kids are pretty cute and the photos kept the extended family informed.

 

But recently she’s discovered blogging. She now blogs, tweets and researches constantly. It was fine when I had lost her to seasons of reality TV, like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills whose insipid heroines gab about plastic surgery and designer handbags. But yesterday was the last straw…

 

I came home to find that the kids had had 2 pieces of wheat bread with cheese for dinner. Not a grilled cheese, just bread and cheese.  Mommy was too busy blogging.

 

To say, she has an addiction is an understatement. She is wired-in, twenty-four-seven. I had to email her just so we could have this fight. It was a doozy and I’m hoping this intervention of sorts will snap her out of it. The kids are looking malnourished and I’m sick of feeling ignored.

 

So email me if you want all her stuff, but be forewarned, nothing is free and these electronics do come with a price.

 

I will deliver or ship for free.

Signed,

Disgruntled husband.

 

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 223288557A

The previous was submitted as part of a writing project for the Red Dress Club.

We want you to imagine you’ve just had a fight with a friend, a co-worker, husband, significant other, child – you get the picture. You’re mad. It’s time for revenge.

What would you sell?

Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig’s List. Talk about the history of the items, why they must go.

 

I couldn’t think of who to be mad at, so I decided I’d be the guilty party in this little experiment. While Alex did not really say these things, since this was the Valentine’s day card I gave him this year, which he loved, I’m guessing he would have no problem signing his name to this ad!

Whose stuff would you sell? OK no more blogging for me (for now).

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