A Baby’s Sleep
High up on the 14th floor, the bedroom was pitch dark, blacklight shades entombed her. The streets below had finally quieted with the only sound from city buses screeching at the corner light; a familiar lullaby she had thought she would never get used to.
An hour ago, her daughter had been coughing, that whooping, alarming cough that keeps a mother from truly nestling into the warmth of her own covers. The potential for hacking sounds from the converted dining room next door caused her to be ready to dart to her baby’s side.
The neighbors had been arguing all evening, something about a green rental car and a missing cell phone. Three times she had grabbed the broom and rapped at the ceiling for them to shut up. Finally she heard a door slam and she was grateful for the only sound now coming from the shuffling of the victors’ feet on the wood floors above.
Her daughter was only lightly sleeping… the slightest thing would start the coughing fits all over again.
Her mind had finally stopped racing and her eyes softly fluttered and then sealed with the determination to get rest.
Tonight she would steal maybe just five hours of precious sleep.
All she wanted was five uninterrupted hours.
Her body exhaled as each muscle melted into the familiar mattress. Her breathing shallowed and rhythmically her chest rose and fell into a pattern. Finally, she was sleeping.
—-
She heard her name being called but she couldn’t pinpoint from where. Something was in her hand and she heard her name over and over again. Finally she realized the receiver was just inches from her ear.
“…h-h-hell-” Sheila tried to swallow.
“SHEILA! …SHEEILA!… ARE YOU THERE?!”
A man’s voice shouted through the earpiece and echoed in her bedroom.
“…hello?”
“SHEEILA, WHY AREN’T YOU HERE?”
Her lips were cracked and her mouth was dry, Sheila tried to answer: “Who is this?” but only half of the sentence croaked out. She tried again, this time with more air behind her words: “WHO IS THIS?”
Her voice was still groggy and unsteady.
The man on the other end was strangely familiar but she had no idea who was calling her name.
“SHEILA!! WE MISS YOU GIRL! YOU SHOULD BE HERE!”
The man’s voice was complimented by three other strange voices, all of them shouting. She couldn’t make any of them out.
Her heart started to race as became more and more alert. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand and slowly the numbers came into focus. 3:31AM.
Shit – she thought.
From the other room, she heard her daughter rustle and start to murmur. Then she heard a cough.
Her hand rubbed her eyes and then her hair as she let out a huge yawn. She was not yet awake as she tried to concentrate.
“Who IS this?” she demanded.
“It’s Brian! We wish you were here girl!”
Then it clicked.
Brian. Prom.
Tonight was prom. She was supposed to be out with her friends enjoying the last night of high school madness.
But instead she was here, sleep deprived, worried about her baby girl in the next room.
Last year, she’d spent the entire night with Brian talking about what their senior prom would look like. A lot had happened in a year, she’d forgotten completely about tonight. Her priorities had changed.
“I gotta go” she said as she lunged the handset back into its cradle.
She heard the mounting cries and labored wheezes from the room next door.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and shuffled to her baby girl.
This was fiction that I wrote for the Red Dress Club. The assignment was:
“In the middle of the night, you get an urgent call from a friend you haven’t talked to in years. Something terrible has happened. What is it and why is he/she calling you?”
I have never written fiction before. It was not easy and honestly i had no idea where I would end up. Part of me hoped that if I started I might spit out the next “Twilight” series, alas, no such luck.
Haunting Sara…. everything teenage girls should read this before Junior Prom!
LOLOLOLOL.. I just read what I wrote… who’s sleep deprived here? And I have no coughing baby. It should read, ‘Haunting Sara… every teenage girl should read this before Junior Prom!’
Thanks Lolly! I think we both should hit the hay!
A really good plot. I especially like how you succinctly got us from Sheila’s foggy state to the location of the caller. I was not expecting that and agree with Laura’s comment about making this required reading.
I too wrote my first piece of fiction for this prompt. It was very challenging.
Thanks Sarah for reading and your feedback. Someone corrected me that I actually did have another piece of fiction, my Craigslist post. Only problem is it’s starting to sound more and more like nonfiction! Can’t wait to head over and read yours!
Well written and a very good story to boot. I enjoyed reading it.
Thank you Nadya! I love meeting other people that say “to boot” – one of my favorite expressions!
First time for fiction? You’re a natural, girl. Excellent pacing, storyline and surprise ending. My heart hurt for Sheila, which in 700 words, is difficult to do.
Keep trying the fiction, you’ll be at Twilight before you know it.
Thanks Ash. As mentioned above, I accidentally misspoke when I said first time for fiction. My first ever TRDC post was a bit of fiction when I wrote about my husband wanting to sell all my electronics because of my growing addiction. Unfortunately this resembling reality more and more!
did Stephanie just wake up and churn out Twilight after a dream? I actually have not read it (don’t tell anyone!).
Great job…loved the surprise ending!!
Thanks Teresa!
This flowed so well – nicely done!!
Thank you very much!
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all spit out the next Twilight? Or actually, since I didn’t like Twilight(I know, I know! don’t hate me!), a book that would make as much as Twilight. LOL
I love that you just dove in and let the story create itself!
I didn’t read Twilight either (we can live on the island together) but I am a huge fan of the Hunger Games. It’s being made into a movie – have you read it? It’s fantastic piece of fantasy. Highly recommend! thanks for your comment and for stopping by!
Sara,
I liked this one, even though it was kind of sad. I thought you did a good job holding the twist. I didn’t expect and it did surprise me.
It was a quick and easy read.
If this your first time with fiction, you need to try it more often:~)
BTW If you come to visit my story, please go to http://www.shadesofcrimson.com/2011/04/14/guest-post-the-call/ Due to construction at my site, I am guest posting at a friend’s site today.
Thanks Sara for the encouragement. Sorry to have made you sad, I just couldn’t find my funny bone late last night. I will definitely come visit your story tonight when I get my glass of vino and have TRDC posts for dinner! Can’t wait!
I LOVED this. Your details and sensory images and timing were spot on. I love the plot and the message. I may love it because I can connect to it many years ago…beautifully written piece and personally I am glad you didn’t find the need to use the F bomb. Just personal taste there!
thank you! am looking forward to checking out your post. I don’t usually swear in a piece and if I do somehow the S-word if my preferred curse
You done good!
This story kept my interest all the way.
And the ending was unexpected.
Thanks Renee!
I really loved all the details here. The way gently take us to sleep with her and ease all back into consciousness. I also love the subtle hints in the conversation revealing that she was in fact a teen mom. Really great job.
thank you, to help with the imagery I remembered all the times my younger brother has drunk texted me or called me
now that I think about it I should probably thank him instead of holding a grudge.
simply amazing. i’m very proud.
you are completely biased but I’ll take it. thank you honey.
This was great for a first try. You captured the sleep deprived mother and it was a good twist to make the mother a teen mother. I was confused as to whether the guy she was talking to was the father of the baby or not, but I guess that was irrelevant. I was also confused as to what was wrong with the baby, if it were a serious illness or just the average cold.
I wonder if I had not called Brian a man that might have helped. I agree that since they are really still just ‘kids’ it could be a little confusing.
In my mind the baby probably had a really bad cold or the croup. I wanted to convey a sick child to emphasize the responsibilities of having a child. I wonder if adding a sentence mentioning croup would have helped.
Thanks for your concrit Tina!