http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/ blue butterfly flitting through life Sun, 24 Apr 2011 03:43:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-621 Sara Sun, 17 Apr 2011 14:14:38 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-621 thank you, to help with the imagery I remembered all the times my younger brother has drunk texted me or called me :) now that I think about it I should probably thank him instead of holding a grudge. thank you, to help with the imagery I remembered all the times my younger brother has drunk texted me or called me now that I think about it I should probably thank him instead of holding a grudge.

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-620 Sara Sun, 17 Apr 2011 14:13:14 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-620 Thanks Renee! Thanks Renee!

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-619 Sara Sun, 17 Apr 2011 14:12:46 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-619 thank you! am looking forward to checking out your post. I don't usually swear in a piece and if I do somehow the S-word if my preferred curse :) thank you! am looking forward to checking out your post. I don’t usually swear in a piece and if I do somehow the S-word if my preferred curse

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-618 Sara Sun, 17 Apr 2011 13:53:15 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-618 I wonder if I had not called Brian a man that might have helped. I agree that since they are really still just 'kids' it could be a little confusing. In my mind the baby probably had a really bad cold or the croup. I wanted to convey a sick child to emphasize the responsibilities of having a child. I wonder if adding a sentence mentioning croup would have helped. Thanks for your concrit Tina! I wonder if I had not called Brian a man that might have helped. I agree that since they are really still just ‘kids’ it could be a little confusing.
In my mind the baby probably had a really bad cold or the croup. I wanted to convey a sick child to emphasize the responsibilities of having a child. I wonder if adding a sentence mentioning croup would have helped.
Thanks for your concrit Tina!

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-609 Sara Sun, 17 Apr 2011 02:31:38 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-609 you are completely biased but I'll take it. thank you honey. you are completely biased but I’ll take it. thank you honey.

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-586 Tina Sat, 16 Apr 2011 02:09:24 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-586 This was great for a first try. You captured the sleep deprived mother and it was a good twist to make the mother a teen mother. I was confused as to whether the guy she was talking to was the father of the baby or not, but I guess that was irrelevant. I was also confused as to what was wrong with the baby, if it were a serious illness or just the average cold. This was great for a first try. You captured the sleep deprived mother and it was a good twist to make the mother a teen mother. I was confused as to whether the guy she was talking to was the father of the baby or not, but I guess that was irrelevant. I was also confused as to what was wrong with the baby, if it were a serious illness or just the average cold.

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-585 Alex Sat, 16 Apr 2011 01:49:11 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-585 simply amazing. i'm very proud. simply amazing. i’m very proud.

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-584 Mommylebron Fri, 15 Apr 2011 23:52:02 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-584 I really loved all the details here. The way gently take us to sleep with her and ease all back into consciousness. I also love the subtle hints in the conversation revealing that she was in fact a teen mom. Really great job. I really loved all the details here. The way gently take us to sleep with her and ease all back into consciousness. I also love the subtle hints in the conversation revealing that she was in fact a teen mom. Really great job.

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-583 Renee Fri, 15 Apr 2011 23:51:51 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-583 You done good! This story kept my interest all the way. And the ending was unexpected. You done good!
This story kept my interest all the way.
And the ending was unexpected.

]]> http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/2011/04/14/a-babys-sleep/#comment-582 Writerly Wanna Be Fri, 15 Apr 2011 21:48:18 +0000 http://www.periwinklepapillon.com/?p=1240#comment-582 I LOVED this. Your details and sensory images and timing were spot on. I love the plot and the message. I may love it because I can connect to it many years ago...beautifully written piece and personally I am glad you didn't find the need to use the F bomb. Just personal taste there! I LOVED this. Your details and sensory images and timing were spot on. I love the plot and the message. I may love it because I can connect to it many years ago…beautifully written piece and personally I am glad you didn’t find the need to use the F bomb. Just personal taste there!

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